Have you ever had the experience of being with a man who seemed crazy about you one day only to have his interest cool off – or go completely cold – the next? What about that horrible conversation where a guy tells you that while he loves you, he’s no longer sure he’s “in love” with you? Pretty awful, right? And confusing…
If you are like most of us, you’ve probably wondered what went wrong; what caused him to fall out of love with you. While there could be many different reasons – maybe he met someone else, maybe he’s not equipped to sustain a long-term relationship – most of the time, it boils down to a few common issues. Preventing them, or overcoming them as soon as they begin to surface, can help you to keep your love going strong.
He doesn’t feel admired. For a man to feel loved, he needs to feel admired by his lady. He wants you to think he’s good, strong, and capable. He wants to feel like your superhero. If you find yourself griping at him, complaining about him, or trying to fix him, he’s not going to feel admired. Keep this in mind: If you don’t think he’s great, why are you with him in the first place? Assuming you’re with an amazing guy, save the criticism for major offenses and make him feel wonderful as often as you can.
You stop being his lover. For most men, sex and love – in the context of a serious relationship – are intertwined. In his mind, if there’s little or no sex, there’s little or no love. Men need to feel desired by the woman they are with in order to feel good about their place in the relationship. Remember how passionate things were in the beginning of your time as a couple? It’s never a bad thing to keep those fires burning; or to work on rekindling them if they seem to be going out.
Drama is your middle name. Is everything always a big deal? Do you seem to have trauma after trauma, catastrophe after catastrophe? Are you constantly losing your marbles, having emotional outbursts, or dealing with never-ending struggles? If so, you might be a drama queen. And most men are turned off by drama queens. While no relationship is problem-free and everyone will deal with negative experiences, it’s important for your time together to have a good deal of fun, peace, and relaxation. When it becomes impossible to make you happy, most men will simply stop trying.
You act too needy. While a man needs to feel needed by the woman he is with, few men want a needy woman. What’s the difference? Needing your man is appreciating the qualities he brings to the relationship. It’s the desire to connect with another in a loving and intimate way. Being needy with a man is demanding validation, attention, and approval. Needy women cling to men in order to improve their self-esteem and they behave as though they can’t live without him. If you find yourself being needy with a man, take pressure off of him and the relationship by finding other things to fulfill you. Taking a class, finding a hobby, or learning a new language are just a few examples of ways you can add to your life on your own and for yourself.
The relationship moved too quickly. Many women feel the need to move a relationship along at their speed instead of letting things progress naturally. We push for exclusivity and the title of “girlfriend” after a few weeks. Six months in, we want to shack up and we give ultimatums to get an engagement ring after a year or two. When men feel things are moving too fast, they often pull away – sometimes completely. Don’t force him into relationship milestones if he’s not ready. Instead, let things unfold at an organic pace.
By: Jenn Clark