Yeah-right! If you clicked on this article hoping to find magic words to say to make someone instantly fall in love with you or some kind of love spell to cast on that not-so-interested boy/man or girl/woman, I am sorry to disappoint you.
I am old school on this one. You can’t hurry love. No, you just have to wait. Love don’t come easy. It’s a game of give and take. You got to trust, give it time.
But just how long does it take for someone to fall in love? And at what point do you say, “OMG! I can’t believe it’s happening to me!”
I personally don’t believe any “Love Expert” can tell you with 100% certainty just how long it’ll take for someone to fall in love. If anyone tells you they know exactly how to make someone love you forever in 30 or even 90 minutes, get a clue. It’s Kool-Aid!
There is no magic number of minutes, weeks, months or years for when people fall in love. If we’re talking about attraction based on sexual chemistry, then Scientists claim it takes a man just 8.2 seconds to “fall head over heels”; and a woman 15 seconds to decide if she wants to fall in love or not.
Explains why I fell in love twice today — at the supermarket! One of the men asked me to marry him after only 60 seconds of meeting me. [O! Please. Don’t get any ideas, I am kidding. This woman is taken!]
The point I am trying to make here is that we fall in love with someone that we have known for a while. The process of “falling in love” happens in stages for most of us (with the exception of the emotionally immature or unhealthy who fall in love with just about anyone — and too quickly).
The first stage of falling in love is the one I just talked about above; one based on sexual chemistry. Keep in mind, “sexual” is not necessarily about “sex” but rather about the energy that drives sexual attraction. The second stage is when we realize just how unique and special the person is; and the third is when we have convinced ourselves that we’re happier and more fulfilled with that person in our lives.
A majority of men stay far too long (and some even get stuck) in the first stage of falling in love, while women tend to merge stage two and three into one, making it look like women fall in love in only two stages. My guess is that the biological clock has something to do with it.
But even if no one can tell with 100% certainty just how long it’ll take someone to fall in love, there are words and other signals that tell you that a man or woman is falling in love with you.
Most people think it’s when the person utters those three magic words “I love You”, then you know for sure they are in love. I wrote an article titled “I Love You” – How Soon Is Too Soon?” and what I said in short is that each man or woman has their own different timetable for saying “I love you”. Some people say it right away with a new person, while others prefer to wait a while to be 150% certain that they truly love the person they are saying these words to. And for some people saying “I love you” is kind of like saying “Thank you” or “Good-bye”. In other words, saying “I love you” does not always mean someone is falling in love or is in love with you.
I asked some of my clients to tell me when it is “they knew for sure” and here are some of their responses.
1. I knew when we started calling each other daily. But more than that, I could hear in her voice that I was the one she wanted to share all of her news with first.
2. We were talking about some areas where we felt amazingly apart. He looked at me and said “I am so afraid that our relationship might not work out or go further. I don’t want to lose you!”
3. When D left a few toiletries at my place, I had an “‘a-ha” moment. At the time I didn’t know where we stood, it was a simple signal to me that things were getting a little more serious.
4. I was really into her but she did not give me the time of day. I felt that she was out of my league. Four years later, we were hanging out together with some friends we both have known since our sophomore year. They started teasing us, said we always looked like a couple. She leaned over and kissed me on the lips. It was very passionate. I knew there and then. She is a naturally shy person, she would never have done that if she didn’t love me.
5. I honestly don’t know when I knew for sure. M. knew I had a past before we met. Every man who has ever loved me including my father abused and abandoned me. M. goes to great lengths to reassure me that he will never leave me. And I believe him with all my heart.
6. We didn’t have big agendas and neither one of us was in a rush to make our relationship go anywhere. We focused a lot on getting to know one another, spending time together and talking. One day we both looked at each other, and we just knew. It’s kind of like when you open the door and you know you’re home.
7. It was when he told me he had set aside space for my stuff in his closet. That told me that he was comfortable sharing his space with me.
8. Valentines Day. I asked her if there was anything that she wanted to say or wanted to hear that wasn’t being said. She said “I love you”. I said “I love you more”. Neither of us had said that to the other and we’d been together for more than two years.
Bottom line, there is no one-size-fits-all length of time for someone to fall in love. Some people “know” that the person is right for them as soon as they set eyes on that person (love at first sight). Some of these men and women who fell in “love at first sight” report feeling an unexplainable sense of having known the person before (soul mates). That think/feel knowledge is then confirmed with more information gathered after getting to know the person for some time.
It would be really nice if all of us were that fortunate to have someone fall in love with us at first sight, but that doesn’t happen to the vast majority of people in this world. For the rest of us, you can’t hurry love. Love takes time.
How much time? No one can tell for sure. All you can do is nurture the feeling of attraction and help the other person move through the stages of falling in love. How soon they can do that depends on the individual — and his or her issues!
DO YOU AGREE?
By: Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor